One Love One Home:a journey of cross cultural homestays

Why we love homestays

2011-07-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

We have a wonderful student from Spain right now and another very nice woman from South Korea just left. Appreciating each others cultural and family differences is what it is all about.

Our Korean Student had been in Georgia for a few years so she didn't have many questions and was only with us a short while. But our Spanish student.. is so eager to learn about our culture and ways.. and to see how similar but just a bit different we all are.

Wanted to wish everyone a very happy american holiday.
Happy 4th of July!

Students and my cooking

2011-06-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

This is just a short post. first our new student arrived. very nice and excited about his time at GIA, then our second student arrived from Korea (only with us a few weeks until she finds an apartment) also very nice.

My husband is a great cook and I get by. We had planned to have him make the first few dinners so as not to scare them away. Unfortunately, he has two dental appointments and a family meeting this week. So it's my cooking.
I mangled pasta last night... even I have to admit it was bad, tonight I am making meatloaf.. this I can do..
tomorrow a cooked chicken compliments of Costco..

Many of the Asian countries appreciate the art of the food. Only these students go to fine restaurants and take pictures of the plates and presentations...

Family dinners in the USA can be a bit of a shock. In general, we value the company at the dinner table much more then what is put on the table.. Unless we are going out.. our goal is to put something on the table.. not looking at it as an event.

So for now... we will muddle through the first few meals.. and find a happy compromise between high end cuisine and the normal meals of American life...
Bon Appetit!

A fresh start and a wonderful summer ahead. It is safe:)

2011-06-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

We are so excited to start off our summer with a new student from the Philippines with a family background and roots in Hong Kong...

One item that always seems to come up is.. Is it safe? such a very practical question and one that I used to be offended by. But most students, in fact most people, only see the worst of the U.S.A. when watching the news. Gang killings, Drug wars and crime everywhere is what is portrayed.

How to explain that although there are major social issues in our country most people do not see them or are exposed to this part of life.
I have come to enjoy these questions and use them as a means of finding common ground. In every country there are areas and issues that make one afraid to travel. Knowledge and education usually teaches us that they are tragic issues isolated to a specific region.
Just like people from the USA, that make broad generalizations about whole groups or regions of the world. Others also do this. The difference is we (U.S.A.) are more transparent and therefore more open to critique and fear.
Yes, there are parts of Los Angeles you don't go to.. I know where they are.. but I have never been. It is the same in any large city in every country in the world.

So before you nix the idea of a trip to a country because of crime or other issues.. research it, find out where to avoid and more importantly find out where you can go and what you will miss if you don't go.

I do this with our students. It is our hope that they begin to see the USA in a different perspective and enjoy our country with all it's faults and pimples...
Having a different more informed world view is a major part of our love of home stays..
Arrivals start tomorrow... Our new journey with new friends begins.

Things aren't the same around the world

2011-05-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

Our first girl students were from China.. We had a wonderful time and laughed alot...
First of all.. we had never had girls and they were 16 or so... everything was funny to them.. or tears.. depended on the situation..(this will be another post)
Second.. what really made them laugh and as time goes on we see it over and over again is..
what is Chinese in California isn't Chinese in China..
They laughed when they saw the Chinese food section of a local store.. laughed even harder when they saw the frozen food section..
When I tried to put a sauce on the wrong food item.. that was a bit stressful
. During the Olympics in Beijing, the food stops had to put out pictures of what the foods looked like. What the westerners were expecting was going to be very different.
Now we know that China isn't the only country that has other names for food
In Spain they have Tortillas that are very much like a frittata.. and not at all like a Mexican Tortilla
In America..we really are a melting pot... this is not only true culturally but with our cuisine..
Dishes are brought to this country and modified or added to using what else is here... and becomes a very different dish..
Learning how to combine cultures, cuisines and life experiences are what make home stays so valuable and enjoyable.. with the summer coming.. I would encourage you also to learn a culture from the comfort of your own home.

closing the chapter and now will move on

2011-05-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

What went wrong with our truly only nightmare of a homestay..?? the ? is what didn't..
I will make a short list and then let the readers know.. what WE did wrong also.
What the student did..
*Wouldn't clean up after himself... this is in every room, Kitchen, bathroon and.... what got him kicked out: his bedroom.
*This included.. leaving eggs on the floor and walking over them to leave in the morning, also.. bought dishes so he didn't have to "worry about cleaning up"...
yes people... I know a very Red Flag...
*would borrow our extra foon items.. then bought about three dollars of veggies and said "do not use unless you want to cook them for me..".
*when needing something from the store.. he would say.. "oh you go get it.and I will pay you later" this never happened..
*would want vegatarian dinners and not show up but would call at the end of dinnertime telling us to save his.... then would want to start a whole new cooking project at 9 at night..but be to tired to clean up.
*At 6 in the morning would be yelling into his skype after we had asked him several times to keep it down.
..The last two things are what made him no longer workable.. and destructive.
*He came down the stairs and shared with me (the wife) how his "privates were chapped and what should I do" later he then came into the kitchen with his sorang half the usual size above his knees.. when I shared with hubby why and what the student has shared.. he was ready to kick him out then... .
But the student nailed his own coffin when.. (again.. after this will not speak of it again..
a special thank-you to the friends that have had to let us vent ALL the details)
*He was quite the next morning, no yelling banging anything... we thought maybe a reprieve..... oh no...
It was laundry day so I went to get his laundry basket.. words can not describe the state of his room...
1/2 a bottle of wild turkey sitting on a table.. some poured on the table.. food everywhere.. and the best part..
vomit on the carpet and vomit soaked clothes there as well.. then vomit on the desk and in the drawers...
He left for school with his room like this... he was done.. we packed his suitcases, found his porn (eewwww) and he had to come pick them up at his morning break...
the conversation that transpired between my hubby and him... will not be here....
he took no responsibility for his actions.. saying he was ill.. yeah... or duh.. anyway..

what we did wrong..
*we kept saying all the red flags were cultural.. they were not.. we have had students from around the world. he was just rude, self entitled and dirty..
we have had other students that have always had maids and never did for themselves.. but this was over the top...
*we SHOULD have.. asked him to leave earlier.. our other student complained even our friends told us to get rid of him...
as my hubby says... when I try to be nice... bad things can happen.. this was the one and only time.
Chapter Closed...
I will start this week... writing again about all the great and funny experiences that we have had...
a new student comes next month.. and we are healed and excited to meet another international friend!

why I took a break

2011-04-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

I love home stays and the great experiences that we have.. I also look forward to the future and more great adventures and cross cultural friendships...
I had been reluctant to post on our only really horrible experience until now... with this said... had I followed my own rules.. it would never had become the mess that it did..
Since then.. we are back to normal.. enjoying our home stay students and looking forward to more new friendships this summer....
I will post later what happened.. but for now.. here are the three rules that I didn't follow.

1. Trust your instincts.. if something doesn't seem right.. speak up and check it out!

2. Don't assume poor behavior or rudeness is only cultural.. a common theme in all countries is how to be polite.

3. Cut your losses.. once you know it won't work... make the transition fast and short... (my husband and I spend almost a week.. counting down the days until he would leave..) Ultimately, we packed him up and moved him out... a week later then we should have...

We only had him for two weeks.. but every day it was something... I will share more in my next post... later this week...
Again, our reluctance to share was not wanting to detract from the overwhelming wonderful experiences opening up our home or your to others can be.

Laundry and homestays... yet another international difference

2011-03-16T16:43:00.000-07:00

A few years ago.. it was suggested to me by another home stay family that it is easier for us to do the laundry. At first I thought no... this is part of their independence... but I have learned... not only is every family different when it comes to doing laundry different countries are also....
Most boys vs. girls are also... here the breakdown is easy..
For girls.. not only do they hand wash their intimates, they always bring me the sheets off the bed to wash once a week..
For boys... lucky to get a full load to wash each week and unless I beg.. almost never do I get to wash the sheets... yes... eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. From having a son of our own.. this difference is gender related not ethnic.

What is ethnic.. is in many Asian cultures... the socks are never washed with the other clothes... and I am not washing a very small load of socks in California's water conservationist society... okay here is my secret...
I do wash them together.. but then keep them in separate baskets...
I also do not iron... another concept that some male students were surprised I would not do for them...
We have a great dry cleaners down the road... they press, iron and startch.. :)
I needed to write something light today as we are watching with great sadness the geographic tragedy unfolding in Japan and the political unrest in so many other countries at this time...
it is a great reminder when we look at other cultures what really matters and what are just interesting differences.

No Worries... and where is it again?

2011-02-26T05:34:00.000-08:00

One concept that seems universal is our desire to know our surroundings... While we were in Cambodia, I wanted to go out and explore the town.. our guide very politely insisted he join us... there it was for safety..

Here when students go out... most come from countries where public transportation is everywhere and therefore places and destinations are easy to find...

When I try to explain how to get somewhere I always get.. No worries I will find it.. or now the most popular I have an I-Phone.. it has GPS...
We have students refuse to open a paper map and then not see the Icon or site that they planned their day around... we also get calls that I am lost.. or how far am I... both we can talk through...

But what is sad and also funny... a wonderful student from Japan, Ryo.. decided to take the bus to the YMCA skate park.. (used by Tony Hawk and Shawn White..) getting on was not a problem.. but then he realized he didn't know how to stop or let the driver know he was at his destination...
when he asked a fellow passenger.. no one on the bus spoke English and of course Japanese was out of the question...
Ryo, had been studying English in the USA for a while so he was able to have one or two Spanish words.. he soon learned that in the US there are times that only Spanish is spoken..

Most students learn to be resourceful and we aim to keep them safe... but they all get lost and we always then hand them an old fashioned map...

Is a Homestay for you.. as the homestay family or student?

2011-02-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

Advantages

Opportunity to see how Americans live and to practice your English
Airport (San Diego) pickup and drop-off can be arranged
Includes two meals per day (breakfast foods and a prepared dinner)
Sheets and towels provided
Laundry facilities available
You have a private room and caring family environment

Considerations

American families are very diverse (with/without children, single, widowed, elderly, young, and from a variety of ethnicities)
You must live with the rules and lifestyle set by the family
Public transportation via bus or trolley will be required
Bathroom will be shared
Most families have pets (dogs and/or cats) in the house

WHO SHOULD NOT USE A HOMESTAY.

While college students who participate in homestays are treated as adults by their hosts, this housing option does require that they interact with members of their host family and participate in the activities and duties that go along with being a member of a family. Therefore if you are a person who wants to have the freedom to come and go as you like, eat your meals when it is most convenient for you and not have to partake in shared activities such as helping to clean dishes after a meal or assisting in keeping common areas in the house clean and organized by cleaning after yourself, you likely will want to consider a living arrangement other than a homestay.

OVERALL Guidelines

Host Family: Please remember that each host family is different. Student understands that families are diverse with different cultural backgrounds. Some families are families with or without children, single parents, single adults, and retired people. Host may host more than one International student. They are very excited to host International students. As it is very difficult finding host families, please be thankful to them for sharing their home with you.
House Rules: Please follow the rules of your host family. Each family will have their own rules and lifestyle. Many families will have the rules written for you. Your host family has kindly allowed you to become a part of their family, for which they deserve your appreciation and respect. What your host family requires of you may be different from what your friends' host families require of them.
Household Duties: Living with a host family means that you are a part of the family. It is your responsibility to share household chores with your family. Please remember to clean up after yourself (washing dishes, turning off electrical appliances) You must keep your room and shared bathroom clean and organized at all times, which includes making your own bed and washing your own clothes.
Meals: Your family will provide you with two meals each day. Most families have working parents who leave for work early. As a result, students are expected to make their own for breakfast . Breakfast is generally only cereal, toast and some juice or tea/coffee. Generally dinner is a sit-down meal with the family. If you will not join the family for dinner please let you family know ahead of time. Non essential groceries (eg. Snacks, soda) are not included.
Energy Conservation: Most families are very conservative and care about the environment. Please be conservative by turning off lights when you leave a room, taking short showers or baths, if you are cold please wear extra sweaters and ask your family for extra blankets. In the US the washing machine and dryer is very big and therefore families usually do laundry once a week.
Relatives/Guests: Please do not have relatives or guest stay at your host family's house during your first three months. After three months, you must obtain permission from your host family and USA International prior to inviting anyone to stay at your host family's home. If your guest stays more than two nights there may be an additional charge paid to host family.
Personal Belongings: Students are responsible for their own personal belongings whether at home or at school. USA INTERNATIONAL will not be responsible for your personal belongings. Remember not to carry a lot of cash with you, and always keep your valuable belongings secure and locked. Students are encouraged to have property insurance. Host Family insurance does not cover student's property in case of loss or damage.
Communication: It is important to communicate with your host family. If you do not understand your host family, it is nice to tell them that you do not understand. Please communicate in writing if something is important. If you will be late coming home, please remember to let your host family know ahead of time or please call them so that they do not worry.
Telephone: Ask your host family about telephone rules since each family has different rules. Please do not make long distance phone calls from your host family's phone. Instead, we advise you to use a calling card, purchase a cellular phone or make collect calls only. Please do not make or have people call you late at night.
Internet Connection: Internet connection is not guaranteed. Some families may charge an extra fee.
Damages: Students are responsible for any damage to their host families' house that they cause. Please ask your host family about changing anything in your room (moving furniture, placing things on the wall and so on.)
Transportation: Please do not ask your host family to drive you around too often. Students must be able to take the public bus to school and other places. Please do not ask your host family to be taxi drivers for you.

I have a suggestion = I would prefer

2011-02-24T05:22:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog I was thinking that I would start in the past and go forward... but our newest student has inspired me to chart our (his and my) journey to cultural understanding and compromise....

John is very nice and personable... he is also married, 35, from India and as he has said... I have never cooked. During our first dinner.. he kept saying
"I would prefer" a different rice, different sauces and eating later.
I shared that when we have finished this bag of rice, we can look at a different kind, same for the black tea .In general was a great time to share different ideas...
My Hubby has taught him and will continue to repeat the saying..
"When in Rome do as the Romans... followed by Welcome to Rome...."
For his first night here... I was thrown by all his preferences... I am going to assume they are only suggestions and not demands...

He was kind enough to call his sister to share with me the foods I should buy... as with all students.. we love to learn and share other cultures... but some will be bought by him and some by us...
My Hubby, loved the spices that John brought to add to the rice.... especially a very spicy home-made chili sauce..
John loved the Salsa and the dinner in general...
I am going to hear.. "I would prefer" translated to "If it isn't any trouble" or "I have a suggestion..."
Day two... starts now....

One Love one Home... a journey of cross cultural homestays

2011-02-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

I have started this blog as over the last almost ten years we have had the privilege and the challenge of hosting students from around the world.. and now it is time to begin to chart and share the experiences that we have had and the challenges our students have had in adjusting to a very different lifestyle.. sometimes wonderful sometimes confusing...